“Got to give the people…. Give the people what they waaaaant!” You know what it’s time for. Power rankings for week two of the Beehive Sport and Social Club Spring Kickball season. Time to enjoy the finer things in life, warm weather, hockey playoffs, and grilling up those fat sausages!
Quote of the Week: “I’m a wiener aficionado!” Dawn, Sit on My Base
Big Blue, Ice Cold, No Doubt, Money in the Bank Lock of the Week!: The Ron Mexico’s over The Degenerates.
1. FBGM 2-0
Two weeks in and we already have our overwhelming favorite for the belt. Overreacting to early season dominance, Vegas has set their odds at 3-1 to win it all! Now this talking head thinks that’s a little bit much, but you can’t deny FBGM’s skill, speed, and don’t forget about legs. Odds on favorites? I’m gunna have to see a little more, but when a team’s asking about the slaughter rule one inning into a game, you better believe they’re a force to be reckoned with. Enjoy life at the top.
2. The Ron Mexico’s 2-0
That burning sensation isn’t the beat downs the Ron Mexico’s have put up the last two weeks. You might wanna get yourself checked out and the Planned Parenthood. With the persistence and staying power of a bad case of herpes, the Ron Mexico’s have announced themselves as a force to be reckoned with. They may have eked out a one run win against 2 Legit, but as they say, a win is a win. And a 2-0 start can’t be ignored. That’s why I’m making them my Big Blue, Ice Cold, No Doubt, Money in the Bank Lock of the Week!!!!! Prove me right!
3. Drinkers with a Kicking Problem 1-0-1
After a tough, high scoring tie, the blazin’ burn orange was flying around the bases again cruising to their first win of the season and definite contender status. When it comes to passion, dedication, and ball shots, this team is second to none. And will they be able to keep it up? This pundit isn’t betting against it.
4. The Lone Rangers 1-0-1
Hi-Yo silver! The Lone Rangers are off to an undefeated start and look to be a powerhouse on offense. A team of wily veterans, no-one doubts their six-gun, silver bullet firepower, but it still remains to be seen who has Tonto’s expert ball-tracking skills in the field. What? You didn’t know I was a fan of classic 50’s television? Shame on you; that was the golden age! Anyway, a win over a depleted Pumped Up Kicks is good for the 4th spot, but with a little fine tuning, they’ll have their victims asking, “Who was that masked man?”
5. Pumped Up Kicks 1-1
When half your team is in a margarita coma on the beach south of the border, you can’t really expect a win. While Cap’t Joe didn’t give in. Still, this one wasn’t really ever in doubt. The Lone Rangers hog tied Kicks’ kicking early and coasted to a victory. It’s hard to drop them too far since their line-up was more depleted than the Bulls this playoffs, so I’ll take a wait and see approach. Lot’s of potential, but they’ll have to show me something to enter the ranks of the elite.
6. Certified Puppy Rescuers 1-1
I believe it was once said, “Never doubt the heart of a champion.” Just when you think CPR is a paper tiger (see: Tiger Woods), they roll a shutout that was as brutal as a Flyers-Penguins playoff game. We’ve seen this before from the Inaugural Kickball Champs, they might want to have a preseason practice cuz once they get on the same page, they’re unquestionable a contender. Show me one more game like that, and you’ll be shooting up the board faster than the 76’s chance of being relevant this postseason.
7. Sit on My Base 1-1
No one tailgates like Sit on My base, or has a better team name and team unity. Boozing and grilling it up all night definitely took the edge of a tough loss. And the Cinco de Mayo piñata? Absolutely inspired. I gotta say, at 1-1 with a solid win, a tough loss against a good team, and enough wieners to choke Jenna Jameson, the future is looking bright for these scrappy underdogs.
8. 2 Legit 2 Kick 0-2
They played hard, and almost pulled it off, but ultimately the first two weeks have been about as successful and MC Hammer’s music career. They’re gunna have to sell out to get that win, and I know they’re capable of it. They came close this week against a damn good Ron Mexico, but ended up getting the gift that keeps on giving (see: Herpes). A tough match against the Lone Rangers awaits, and I don’t know if they can touch this. Prove me wrong!
9. No Bats All Balls 0-2
It’s been a tough start for No Bats All Balls. They put up an impressive score it week one, only to run into the buzz saw that is the San Antonio Spurs… I mean FBGM. Still a little bitter about that sweep. But just like the Jazz, their future is bright. They have a lot of potential, and the hope of young untested players. Can that potential become reality? And can the Jazz sign Steve Nash to a two year deal to make a run at it? Only time will tell.
10. The Degenerates 0-2
They put up a good fight week one, but getting shut out will have you going down faster than a Kardashian at the NBA all-star game. CPR was in no mood to entertain another loss and last years champs showed the Degenerates that elite pitching beats good kicking every day. That said, a special shout-out goes to Lauren Mangelson who dominated the chugging competition. And when I say dominated, I mean it would’ve won Beerfest. I, for one, and impressed.